Engineering Her Surrender [Novum Energy 2] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 8

  Penny gritted her teeth. That was the last straw. This man had spewed his vitriol for long enough, and Penny wouldn’t let him chew out Ethan for one more second.

  She charged over to the desk, slamming the coffee mug on the surface and leaning close to the phone speaker.

  “Hey!” she burst out. “Who the hell do you think you—”

  Ethan grabbed her into his lap and smacked a hand over her mouth.

  “What in God’s name was that?” Gary asked.

  “Nothing. We’re in an office. There are people around. Anyways, if you’d like to speak to Nick, that’s fine. I’ll transfer you to him right away. If you have any more questions for me, don’t hesitate to call. I expect to be here for quite some time before I head home. Nice talking to you, Gary.”

  He pressed the hold button on his phone and transferred the call to Nick before releasing his hand from Penny’s mouth and turning her around on his lap.

  “Okay, let’s get one thing straight, my little firecracker. We do not yell at the owner of the company we are working for.”

  Penny stared down at her hands and started picking at her nails. “But…he was yelling at you. And calling you incompetent.”

  “Hey. Don’t look away from me when I’m talking to you,” Ethan said, clicking his tongue in disapproval and lifting her chin up with his fingers.

  “Okay, fine!” she huffed, jerking her eyes up to his.

  Ethan chuckled. “Now, back to what I was saying. We must not yell at the people we work for.”

  “But…but…”

  “No buts, Penny. I’m very touched that you would come to my defense, but we just have to take the verbal abuse and wait for things to blow over in situations like this.”

  “Oh ya?” she said, crossing her arms over her chest challengingly. “Well what if he had called me a bitch or something?”

  “Well then I would’ve been obligated to fly down to Houston and kick the man’s ass,” Ethan replied with a smile.

  “Then how come I don’t get to do the same?”

  “Because,” Ethan said as he slid his hand up her shirt sleeve and tugged on her bracelet, “that’s just not how things work.”

  Penny sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

  “Hey,” Ethan said softly, caressing her jaw. “What is it, my girl?”

  “I just feel so terrible.”

  “Why is that, honey?”

  “Because this mess is partly my fault, and you’re the only one getting yelled at.”

  “Honey, it’s not your fault in the slightest. You have to learn to deal with stuff like this. It happens all the time, trust me. You can’t get so worked up about it.”

  Penny pressed her fingers to her eyes, her shoulders slumping. “I know. It’s just that…I hate mistakes. I like it when everything’s perfect.”

  “Oh, I know,” Ethan said, letting out a laugh. “But you need a break from this, honey. You’ve been working nonstop for the past week and a half, and so have I. Tomorrow’s Saturday. How about we go see a movie?”

  Penny gave him a playful smile. “Well that depends. Who gets to choose what we’re watching?”

  “All right, all right,” Ethan said, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek. “You can choose. Hey, if I can get through When Harry Met Sally twice in one lifetime, I can get through anything, doll.”

  * * * *

  Ethan looked down at his watch. “Penny,” he called out, “you better get your cute little ass moving. The movie starts in forty-five minutes.”

  She was in her bedroom getting dressed and fixing up her hair—and whatever else girls did that made them take so damn long to get ready.

  “I’m almost done,” she answered. “Give me like three minutes.”

  Ethan smiled and sat down on the couch in her living room. Three minutes probably meant more like ten in girl-speak, so he figured he might as well get comfortable.

  He heard her let out a series of violent sneezes and hoped she wasn’t getting sick again. She had had four colds in the past three months, and it seemed like the second she was finally over one cold, she would immediately catch another. The girl had some rotten luck.

  When he heard her start to cough, he began to get agitated. Her coughing always sounded so deep and convulsive, and he hated having to sit there, powerless, listening to her body seize up in pain.

  He got up from the couch and started pacing around the living room until she had managed to catch her breath.

  “Penny, honey? Can I bring you a glass of water?”

  She worked to clear her throat. “Yes please,” she replied, her voice hoarse.

  Ethan made his way to her kitchen and realized that he had no idea where the glasses were. He opened one cabinet to find plates and bowls, and then another to find a few cans of food. He was about to call her and ask where to find them, but figured that it wouldn’t take too much longer, as her small kitchen only afforded so many storage possibilities.

  When he reached out to open the cabinet beside the fridge, he had to step back and blink to make sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. His eyes went wide. The contents of that cabinet loomed up in his vision, sending a horrifying image sweeping through his brain. It disturbed him to his core, sent fear coursing through his veins. He took another step back and dropped his hand from the door, shaking his head slightly as true terror gripped his heart for the first time in his life.

  He was stunned. Lining the shelves were bottle after bottle of medications. There were several prescription bottles, most of which were nearly empty, but the majority were over-the-counter painkillers. Ethan felt his ribs clutch to his lungs in sheer dread.

  Penny opened her bedroom door and came padding into the kitchen. “Ethan,” she said, her voice still rough from coughing, “can I have my water?”

  When she saw Ethan standing in front of her cabinet of painkillers, staring in disbelief at the bottles inside, she stopped in her tracks, her face turning ashen in an instant.

  “Ethan,” she said, her voice a faint whisper. “What are you doing in that cabinet?”

  Ethan slammed the cabinet door closed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Penny, you better tell me what the fuck is going on, right now.” His voice was low, his face tense with a mixture of anger, confusion, and alarm.

  He looked over at her and could see the panic in her eyes. He knew she didn’t want to tell him, but he wasn’t giving her a choice. If she wouldn’t explain this to him, he would walk out of the apartment, and he had no doubt that she was very well aware of that.

  Her face was so white that Ethan was scared she might faint. He wanted to go over to her and soothe her, but he knew that that was something he couldn’t do. It was time for her to answer some hard questions, and he wasn’t going to give her a way out.

  Ethan flexed his jaw. “Penny,” he said in that frighteningly deep, quiet voice, “I’m going to ask you one more time, and then I’m leaving. What have you been keeping from me?”

  Her bottom lip was trembling and hot tears were streaming down her cheeks, but she continued to remain silent. Ethan sighed. He wished she would tell him, because if he just knew what was going on, he would be able to help her—and he would help her, whatever the problem was. But she was choosing not to, and that meant that his only choice was to leave.

  He turned around, walked to the door, and grabbed the handle.

  “Wait,” she whispered.

  He froze, his hand still on the doorknob, waiting.

  “I have lymphoma.”

  Ethan shut his eyes hard, a sharp pain welling up in his chest.

  No. God, no. You’re lying. Anything but that. You have a substance abuse problem. An eating disorder. Depression. But not cancer. Please, God, not cancer.

  “It’s a type of blood canc—”

  “I know what it is!” Ethan spat out as he whipped around to face her.

  She looked so frail standing there before him. She was wearing only a T-shirt and pan
ties, looking gaunt as ever, shaking like a leaf, and growing paler by the second. He shook his head as the facts started to click together in his brain, hating himself for not figuring it out sooner.

  That was why she was so thin, why she never had an appetite, why she was always getting sick, and why she had a massive arsenal of painkillers stashed away in her kitchen.

  “How long have you known?” Ethan asked quietly.

  Penny let out a shaky breath. “About six months.”

  He pressed the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb, trying to keep calm. “And you’re treating it with over-the-counter drugs? Why aren’t you seeing a doctor, Penny?”

  “I was…well, at the beginning,” she said softly, turning her eyes to the floor and wrapping her arms around her chest. “I went to the doctor when I started feeling sick all the time, and they diagnosed me with stage one lymphoma. They prescribed me some medication to deal with the pain, but when they told me what my treatment options were, I didn’t go back. I figured I’d just ration the meds that they gave me, and turn to over-the-counter stuff when they start to run out.”

  “And what? Just keep popping painkillers until the cancer kills you?” Ethan asked, raising his voice.

  Penny shot him an angry look. “You don’t get to judge me.”

  “How the hell not, Penny? Look at you. You have cancer, for Christ’s sakes, and you’re standing there telling me you’ve been doing absolutely nothing to get better?”

  Penny balled her hands into fists. “I can’t be sick right now!” she yelled. “I was still in school when I found out. I couldn’t just drop everything and start chemo and radiation. I barely had enough money to get by as it was. And I had no one. Not one single person that I could lean on for support. I couldn’t deal with it, okay? It just wasn’t possible. So don’t fucking stand there and tell me I had a choice.”

  Ethan rubbed his hand down his face, feeling shame quickly override his anger. He wished he hadn’t been so accusatory, but his head was swimming with so many different emotions that he hadn’t been able to keep himself from lashing out.

  He looked at her and felt his heart break to pieces. She was right—she had no family, no friends, no money. She wouldn’t have been able to start treatment. And here he was making her feel like she had had the option.

  She looked up at him with a tortured expression on her face. “I even called my parents, Ethan,” she whispered. “After I was diagnosed, I was so desperate to figure out what to do that I called them thinking that maybe they could help me, that maybe they’d let me stay in their house so I wouldn’t have to pay rent while going through treatment, at least.”

  Ethan’s stomach turned with dread. “I don’t understand. You told me you hadn’t contacted them since you left for college.”

  “Of course I told you that!” she yelled. “I was ashamed, humiliated that I even considered going back to them, after the hell they put me through as a child.”

  Ethan saw the way her bottom lip trembled, saw the way she was biting down on the inside of her cheek like she always did when she tried to stop herself from crying. He knew that that phone call had hurt her deeply, and he feared to know exactly what her parents had said.

  “What happened, honey?” he asked gently. “Did they refuse to help you?”

  She drew her eyes down to the floor. “Some new folks picked up the phone when I called their number. I thought maybe they’d moved, so I looked them up online.” She paused, biting down on her lip. “They died. Three years ago. Car accident. Dad was driving drunk.”

  “Oh, Penny,” Ethan said softly. “I’m so sorry—”

  “Well, don’t be!” she snapped. “I’m not sorry. Of course they’re dead, drinking as much as they did. I’ve made my peace with it. It prevented me from going back and living with them. It’s for the best.”

  He watched as she pressed her lips together and blinked away her tears. She was trying her best to be brave, just like she always did.

  “I know you don’t want me to be sorry, but I am, Penny. I’m sorry you never had parents who gave a damn about you. I’m sorry your mother and father destroyed themselves. But I’m not sorry you didn’t go back to them. I’m not sorry they didn’t end up back in your life, because they were so devoted to their addiction that they just would’ve ended up destroying you, too.”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “And even though I’m sad that there’s no longer any hope for them to redeem themselves, I’m at peace with their death. I am.”

  He smiled at her tenderly. “You’re so brave, honey.”

  “Don’t say that,” she said, turning her head away.

  “Why not?”

  “Because,” she answered sadly, “when it comes to a lot of things, I’m not brave at all.”

  He shut his eyes, hating that she, of all people, felt inadequate when it came to courage. “But you have it in you, honey. I know you can be brave about this…about your cancer. Why don’t you start going back to your doctor?”

  Penny shook her head bitterly. “You just don’t get it, do you? If I started going in for treatment, I wouldn’t be able to work. I’d have no money. I wouldn’t be able to pay for any of the medical costs, or my rent, or my food. And I still have a ton of student loans to pay off. So I can’t do it right now, okay? Let’s just drop it.”

  “You think I can drop something like this? Damn it, Penny, what kind of monster do you think I am? I love you—I can’t just sit back and watch you get sicker and sicker.”

  Penny wiped her tears away with her fingers, her hands trembling. “Well there’s nothing that can be done about it. The issue is closed.”

  “Penny,” Ethan said, his voice strained, “I’m begging you. Please, let me help you. Take a leave from work, move in with me, and let me take care of you. Let me help you pay the medical bills. Please. I don’t want to lose you.”

  She looked at him intently for a moment before turning away and leaning on the counter. “I can’t,” she whispered.

  Ethan strode over to her and grabbed her by her shoulders, turning her around so that she’d face him. “Why the hell not, Penny?” he demanded.

  “Because if something goes wrong between us, then I’d have nothing left to fall back on. No apartment, no regular paychecks. Nothing.”

  Ethan shut his eyes. “I thought we were over this, Penny. I thought you’d gotten over your trust issues.”

  She pushed herself away from him and looked up at him angrily. “You think I can just risk everything and not have any concerns?”

  “Penny, think about what you’re doing here. You’re willing to risk your health—your life—because you’re afraid that I’m going to betray you, when I’ve done nothing to justify that fear for the entire time we’ve been together.”

  Penny shook her head and sighed. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “I can’t stand by and watch you die, Penny,” Ethan said. “If you won’t do anything to help yourself—if you won’t let me help you, then I can’t do this anymore.”

  A deep, deep sorrow etched itself on Penny’s face. “Ethan, please,” she said, her voice shaking. “Can’t we just let this be for a while? Can’t we just forget about it and go back to how things were?”

  Ethan closed his eyes and shook his head. Suddenly he wasn’t frustrated anymore. The tumult of anger and panic and grief had given way to an aching resignation, and he knew what he had to do.

  “I’m sorry, Penny. I love you too much to watch you die. I can’t do it.”

  He turned around and walked slowly back to the door, gritting his teeth at the pain that was clutching at his insides. Leaving her was killing him, but he didn’t have a choice.

  “Ethan, wait,” she called out softly behind him.

  He turned around and looked back at her. The tears were dripping off her face, and she took a tentative step toward him.

  “Please don’t go,” she whispered. “Stay.”

  “I’m
sorry. But if we can’t work on getting you better, then I can’t be with you.”

  He felt a lump rise in his throat when she lowered herself to the floor, drew her legs up to her chest, and sobbed quietly into her knees.

  “I’ll wait for you to change your mind, Penny. The minute you’ll let me help you, I will be there. Until then, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  He slipped out of her apartment, closing the door quietly behind him.

  Chapter 10

  Penny leaned over the bathroom sink and splashed cold water into her face. The water felt soothing against her hot, flushed skin, and she even unbuttoned her shirt and brought her hands up to her shoulders and neck to cool herself down further.

  After turning off the tap and grabbing some paper towels to dry herself off, she stood in front of the mirror and stared hard at her reflection.

  She was glad she was alone. That was one of the perks of being the only female employee at Novum Energy, she supposed—she got an entire washroom to herself.

  She looked like a downright mess. And she felt like one, too. Her hair was a frizzy, unkempt disaster. The sickly flush on her cheeks made it look like she was suffering from a high fever. And the dark, puffy bags under her eyes did her the favor of alerting everyone to the fact that she hadn’t slept in days.

  Seven days, to be specific. Seven days of little to no sleep following her breakup with Ethan.

  Penny pressed her hand to her forehead. God, how she wished he hadn’t found that cabinet. Her heart had jumped into her throat when she had seen him standing there looking in horror at all the meds she had lining the shelves. And she had known that instant that it would be over—had known without a doubt that he wouldn’t understand and would give her an ultimatum that would drive them apart.

  She just couldn’t do what he wanted her to do. She couldn’t drop everything in her life and become a sick person. And she couldn’t lose every speck of independence she had and become completely reliant on him. She lacked both the bravery and the trust to do it.